Life Post: Top Four Barmiest Things My Cats Have Ever Done
A silly post for a splendiferous afternoon in July…
If you’ve read my about page you’ll know I have two stark raving mad cats. They are my furry babies and I love them SO HARD!!!
One baby is called Luna, named after Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter. She is affectionately known as Loony, Cow-Coloured-Cat (she’s black and white like the friesian cows…) and Fatty Boob-oh-latty (she’s a biiiiiiig girl).
My other baby is Schrödi, named after Erwin Schrödinger who, for those of you who don’t know, carried out a thought experiment which he named ‘Schrödingers Cat’. He asserted that if you put a cat in a box with a vial of poison (tres morbid, I know), you cannot predict the time it takes for the dose to become lethal, therefore the cat is mathematically alive and dead at the same time, until that is, you open the box.
My husband studied Astro Physics at uni and thought it would be pretty hilarious to call one of our cats after the experiment. Even more hilariously, Schrödi is obsessed with boxes. She will cram herself into the teeny tiniest ones and our house has many stowed in corners, all free from poison, I assure you. She is affectionately known as Schrödo Baggins, White Shoes (she has little white feet, the rest of her is tabby) and Stripes.
As all cat owners know, cats have no shame. They conduct themselves in whatever way they please and sleep wherever they want – washing baskets, in the sink – you name it, they sleep there. They roll in dirt, cover themselves in mud, poo, seeds and leaves. They run around the house for no good reason smacking into door frames/your shins and plonk themselves on your papers when you’re working because, Hello? Attention now please!
I love cats and if I could I’d have a house full of them. As an ode to my furry babies, here are the top four moments where Luna and Schrödi have made me and the hubz laugh till we cry.
- The Brown Bag… I came home from Primark one day, trademark brown paper bag in hand. I emptied the bag and left it in the middle of my bedroom floor. Who should come along but Schrödo-Baggins. I watched as she explored inside the bag, tentatively at first, then jumped in and out of it. She was having a great time – who needs toys when you have a paper bag? Next she decided to poke her bonce through the handle. Bored of this, she tried for all of 5 seconds to get her head out and when she found she couldn’t, darted from the room, running around the house at 1000 miles an hour with the bag flapping wildly behind her. Phil and I, in hysterics, ran after her to try and pull the bag off but she was having none of it. The more we chased, the more she ran. She looked like a superhero trying out a badly fitted cape, Edna Mode wagging her finger and looking on in disapproval. In the end we managed to corner her by the sofa and took the bag away. She shook it off like a pro – nothing to see here….
- The Cattery Trip… We were off to do some wild camping and so booked the girls in to our local cattery for their own holiday (the kind where you stay indoors and have no fun…). Phil took the girls on his own as I was dashing around doing some last minute packing. They each have their own basket and we strap them in the car, one in the front and one in the back. (We’re very safety conscious cat parents) Luna was in the back, as she has the bigger basket. In usual style they were meowing constantly and the deep guttural meow reserved only for car trips came out – the one that says, ‘You’re the worst parents in the woooooooorld. We HATE yoooooooou.’ Five minutes from the cattery, Fatty Boob-oh-latty did an eyewatering poo in her basket, the kind that makes you want to throw yourself out of the car. Not a minute later she did a giant wee, howling the whole time. Not far from the cattery, Phil drove on, windows open, holding his breath, also howling. He turned a corner and what should happen? The seatbelt slips from underneath the basket and it rolls across the back seats, army roll style, poo and wee flying everywhere, Luna tumbling over and over, howling between rolls. Beyond priceless… and oh the mess….
- The Muddy Pond… Our little Loony has a rather nasty habit. Instead of drinking the fresh water that we put down in bowls, she likes to drink out of the pond at the back of our house. I know this, not because I have actually seen her do it, but because of the times when she comes home, muddy water dribbling down her cat beard (she’s long haired and has all the facial hair). However, on one occasion, Luna didn’t just come home with muddy water on her cat beard, but all over her back end. She was a sopping, stinking mess and had clearly half fallen in the pond. I had no idea what to do – babywipes and toilet roll just weren’t going to cut it. Even if I toweled her down she’d still stink. So in the bath she went. I turned on the shower head, checked the water was the right temp and hosed her down. She went nutty, flailing and slipping in the bath. I got covered in muddy water, the walls got covered in muddy water and the carpet got covered in muddy water. In the end, she quietened down, and looking like a drowned rat, accepted her fate whilst plotting her revenge: headless mouse up her night dress…. mwah ha ha…
- The Country Walk… Phil and I decided that we’d like to go for a walk. Living in the middle of nowhere, we back onto a lot of fields. We strolled out the house, it was a lovely sunny afternoon. Stripes was outside too, stalking the grass, and came up to us to say hello. We petted her and said we’d be back soon. As we walked away we noticed that she was following us. Laughing, we agreed that she’d soon get bored and go back home. A little further along we realised she was still following us. Lets try and trick her, we thought. We walked back towards to house, she dutifully followed, then we turned on our heels and ran a little way. Checking behind us we saw that she had simply scampered after us. Stooopid humans, she must have been thinking. Next, Phil picked her up, carried her a way away, plopped her down and ran towards me shouting GO GO GO! Giggling like a couple of loons, we ran like the clappers. Lo and behold, our little stripes came running after us. It dawned on us that she wasn’t going to give up and was having immense fun – This is a great game mum and dad!! So, Phil picked Schrödi up and went all the way back home, putting her inside. He left her nibbling on her favourite treats, no doubt planning a nice snooze. All that running has tuckered me out…
I hope you enjoyed reading some wacky tales about Schrödi and Luna! Feel free to leave comments letting me know about the weird and wonderful things your own cats get up to 🙂
L x